Very interesting article from WorldNetDaily.com
MATTERS OF LIFE AND DEATH
Adult stem cells restore
feeling in paraplegic
Apparent major breakthrough
with patient paralyzed 19 years
Posted: September 28, 2005
1:00 a.m. Eastern
© 2005 WorldNetDaily.com
In an apparent major breakthrough, scientists in Korea report using umbilical cord blood stem cells to restore feeling and mobility to a spinal-cord injury patient.
The research, published in the peer-reviewed journal Cythotherapy, centered on a woman had been a paraplegic 19 years due to an accident.
After an infusion of umbilical cord blood stem cells, stunning results were recorded:
"The patient could move her hips and feel her hip skin on day 15 after transplantation. On day 25 after transplantation her feet responded to stimulation."
Umbilical cord cells are considered "adult stem cells," in contrast to embryonic stem cells, which have raised ethical concerns because a human embryo must be destroyed in order to harvest them.
The report said motor activity was noticed on day 7, and she was able to maintain an upright position on day 13. Fifteen days after surgery, she began to elevate both lower legs about one centimeter.
The study's abstract says not only did the patient regain feeling, but 41 days after stem cell transplantation, testing "also showed regeneration of the spinal cord at the injured cite" and below it.
The scientists conclude the transplantation "could be a good treatment method" for paraplegic patients.
Bioethics specialist Wesley J. Smith, writing in Lifesite.com, expressed enthusiasm about the apparent breakthrough, but also urged caution.
"We have to be cautious," said Smith, a senior fellow at the Seattle-based Discovery Institute and a special consultant to the Center for Bioethics and Culture. "One patient does not a treatment make."
The authors of the study note, writes Smith, that the lamenectomy the patient received might have offered some benefit.
"But still, this is a wonderful story that offers tremendous hope for paralyzed patients," he said.
The fact that the patient has a very old injury, Smith added, makes the results even more dramatic.
Smith said he has known about the study for some time, "but because I didn't want to be guilty of the same hyping that is so often engaged in by some therapeutic cloning proponents, I waited until it was published in a peer reviewed journal."
Like most breakthroughs using adult stem cells, this one has been completely ignored by the U.S. mainstream media, Smith pointed out.
"Can you imagine the headlines if the cells used had been embryonic?" he asked.
Thinking about it gives me chills - B
(but that's my problem...)
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Yeah! What He Says! (A Katrina Article)
Assigning blame
Charles Krauthammer
September 9, 2005 From Town Hall.com
WASHINGTON -- In less enlightened times, there was no catastrophe independent of human agency. When the plague or some other natural disaster struck, witches were burned, Jews were massacred and all felt better (except the witches and Jews).
A few centuries later, our progressive thinkers have progressed not an inch. No fall of a sparrow on this planet is not attributed to sin and human perfidy. The three current favorites are: (1) global warming, (2) the war in Iraq and (3) tax cuts. Katrina hits and the unholy trinity is immediately invoked to damn sinner-in-chief George W. Bush.
This kind of stupidity merits no attention whatsoever, but I'll give it a paragraph. There is no relationship between global warming and the frequency and intensity of Atlantic hurricanes. Period. The problem with the evacuation of New Orleans is not that National Guardsmen in Iraq could not get to New Orleans, but that National Guardsmen in Louisiana did not get to New Orleans. As for the Bush tax cuts, administration budget requests for New Orleans flood control during the five Bush years exceed that of the five preceding Clinton years. The notion that the allegedly missing revenues would have been spent wisely by Congress, targeted precisely to the levees of New Orleans, and reconstruction would have been completed in time, is a threefold fallacy. The argument ends when you realize that, as The Washington Post notes, ``the levees that failed were already completed projects."
Let's be clear. The author of this calamity was, first and foremost, Nature (or if you prefer, Nature's God). The suffering was augmented, aided and abetted in descending order of culpability by the following:
1. The mayor of New Orleans. He knows the city. He knows the danger. He knows that during Hurricane Georges in 1998, the use of the Superdome was a disaster and fully two-thirds of the residents never got out of the city. Nothing was done. He declared a mandatory evacuation only 24 hours before Hurricane Katrina hit. He did not even declare a voluntary evacuation until the day before that, at 5 p.m. At that time, he explained that he needed to study his legal authority to call a mandatory evacuation and was hesitating to do so lest the city be sued by hotels and other businesses.
2. The Louisiana governor. It's her job to call up the National Guard and get it to where it has to go. Where the Guard was in the first few days is a mystery. Indeed, she issued an authorization for the National Guard to commandeer school buses to evacuate people on Wednesday afternoon -- more than two days after the hurricane hit and after much of the fleet had already drowned in its parking lots.
3. The head of FEMA. Late, slow and in way over his head. On Thursday he says on national television that he didn't even know there were people in the Convention Center, when anybody watching television could see them there destitute and desperate. Maybe in his vast bureaucracy he can assign three 20-year-olds to watch cable news and give him updates every hour on what in hell is going on.
4. The president. Late, slow and simply out of tune with the urgency and magnitude of the disaster. The second he heard that the levees had been breached in New Orleans, he should have canceled his schedule and addressed the country on national television to mobilize it both emotionally and physically to assist in the disaster. His flyover on the way to Washington was the worst possible symbolism. And his Friday visit was so tone-deaf and politically disastrous that he had to fly back three days later.
5. Congress. Now as always playing holier-than-thou. Perhaps it might ask itself who created the Department of Homeland Security in the first place. The congressional response to all crises is the same -- rearrange the bureaucratic boxes, but be sure to add one extra layer. The last four years of DHS have been spent principally on bureaucratic reorganization (and real estate) instead of, say, a workable plan for as predictable a disaster as a Gulf Coast hurricane.
6. The American people. They have made it impossible for any politician to make any responsible energy policy over the last 30 years -- but that is a column for another day. Now is not the time for constructive suggestions. Now is the time for blame, recriminations and sheer astonishment. Mayor Nagin has announced that, as bodies are still being found and as a public health catastrophe descends upon the city, he is sending 60 percent of his cops on city funds for a little R&R, mostly to Vegas hotels. Asked if it was appropriate to party in these circumstances, he responded: ``New Orleans is a party town. Get over it.''
Charles Krauthammer
September 9, 2005 From Town Hall.com
WASHINGTON -- In less enlightened times, there was no catastrophe independent of human agency. When the plague or some other natural disaster struck, witches were burned, Jews were massacred and all felt better (except the witches and Jews).
A few centuries later, our progressive thinkers have progressed not an inch. No fall of a sparrow on this planet is not attributed to sin and human perfidy. The three current favorites are: (1) global warming, (2) the war in Iraq and (3) tax cuts. Katrina hits and the unholy trinity is immediately invoked to damn sinner-in-chief George W. Bush.
This kind of stupidity merits no attention whatsoever, but I'll give it a paragraph. There is no relationship between global warming and the frequency and intensity of Atlantic hurricanes. Period. The problem with the evacuation of New Orleans is not that National Guardsmen in Iraq could not get to New Orleans, but that National Guardsmen in Louisiana did not get to New Orleans. As for the Bush tax cuts, administration budget requests for New Orleans flood control during the five Bush years exceed that of the five preceding Clinton years. The notion that the allegedly missing revenues would have been spent wisely by Congress, targeted precisely to the levees of New Orleans, and reconstruction would have been completed in time, is a threefold fallacy. The argument ends when you realize that, as The Washington Post notes, ``the levees that failed were already completed projects."
Let's be clear. The author of this calamity was, first and foremost, Nature (or if you prefer, Nature's God). The suffering was augmented, aided and abetted in descending order of culpability by the following:
1. The mayor of New Orleans. He knows the city. He knows the danger. He knows that during Hurricane Georges in 1998, the use of the Superdome was a disaster and fully two-thirds of the residents never got out of the city. Nothing was done. He declared a mandatory evacuation only 24 hours before Hurricane Katrina hit. He did not even declare a voluntary evacuation until the day before that, at 5 p.m. At that time, he explained that he needed to study his legal authority to call a mandatory evacuation and was hesitating to do so lest the city be sued by hotels and other businesses.
2. The Louisiana governor. It's her job to call up the National Guard and get it to where it has to go. Where the Guard was in the first few days is a mystery. Indeed, she issued an authorization for the National Guard to commandeer school buses to evacuate people on Wednesday afternoon -- more than two days after the hurricane hit and after much of the fleet had already drowned in its parking lots.
3. The head of FEMA. Late, slow and in way over his head. On Thursday he says on national television that he didn't even know there were people in the Convention Center, when anybody watching television could see them there destitute and desperate. Maybe in his vast bureaucracy he can assign three 20-year-olds to watch cable news and give him updates every hour on what in hell is going on.
4. The president. Late, slow and simply out of tune with the urgency and magnitude of the disaster. The second he heard that the levees had been breached in New Orleans, he should have canceled his schedule and addressed the country on national television to mobilize it both emotionally and physically to assist in the disaster. His flyover on the way to Washington was the worst possible symbolism. And his Friday visit was so tone-deaf and politically disastrous that he had to fly back three days later.
5. Congress. Now as always playing holier-than-thou. Perhaps it might ask itself who created the Department of Homeland Security in the first place. The congressional response to all crises is the same -- rearrange the bureaucratic boxes, but be sure to add one extra layer. The last four years of DHS have been spent principally on bureaucratic reorganization (and real estate) instead of, say, a workable plan for as predictable a disaster as a Gulf Coast hurricane.
6. The American people. They have made it impossible for any politician to make any responsible energy policy over the last 30 years -- but that is a column for another day. Now is not the time for constructive suggestions. Now is the time for blame, recriminations and sheer astonishment. Mayor Nagin has announced that, as bodies are still being found and as a public health catastrophe descends upon the city, he is sending 60 percent of his cops on city funds for a little R&R, mostly to Vegas hotels. Asked if it was appropriate to party in these circumstances, he responded: ``New Orleans is a party town. Get over it.''
Sunday, September 18, 2005
*sigh* There Goes My Faith In The Human Race Again or 'Why I Never Donate. Ever'
It's amazing how the people of this country can unite during times of great disaster. Of course 9/11 was a big one and that ended up being ruined by United Way because they 'had enough money donated from the 9/11 telethon' and they decide in their infinite wisdom to give some of that money to 'performing arts'. Anyway...
Now with Hurricane Katrina the $2000 debit cards being handed out by the Red Cross and FEMA are being used at Victoria's Secret and strip bars. How much of a scumbag do you have to be to rip off needy people? And if you are a legitament recipient of one of these cards, what the fuck are you thinking? Do you think you're going to spend it and then hold your hand out for another one? Oh yeah... that's how it will probably work. Some whiny Democrat will start maoning about how Bush is doing such a shitty job... well that's happened already. Anyway my gripe is Liberals like to throw money at a problem hoping it will go away. If it doesn't, raise taxes and throw some more at it.
I learned a very important lesson when I was a young man. My father took me to a Yankee's game and while we were on the outskirts of the ball park among a throng of people, dirty water dog vendors and the usual group of people selling their wares a young latino aproached my father. He was probably about 11 or 12 with these big puppy dog eyes and asked in a pleading voice 'Please sir, I am very hungry and I haven't eaten. May I please have some money for food'. Sometimes as kids you really can't appreciate what adults are about. That day I found out my father was no sucker. He looked at the kid and pointed to the hot dog vendor and said 'Let's go, I'll buy you a hotdog'. The look on this this little shit's face was classic, he looked stupified, stuttered for a second and half mumbled '...uh... no thanks' and walked away. Walked away to some couple who, you guessed, gave him money. Right around the time this kid was mumbling his reply to my father the light bulb went off in my head. This little fucker is full of shit! As I watched him walk away I started to get really pissed off and I wanted to go over there and kick his ass! My father calmed me down and I wondered how anyone can be such a conniving little douche bag (I thought that, I said something a little less vulgar). He just sighed, shrugged his shoulders and said 'There will always be people like him'. My father sensed something fishy and he reacted in the right way. If the kid was really hungry he would have taken the hot dog and I'm sure my father would have given him some cash after. I guess he was a sucker for certain kids, how do you think I ended up getting away with what I did? Rest easy Pops.
What I do to donate is volunteer my time. I'll do phone work or computer work for people for free or whatever else they need help with. Of course I've been burned too many times to give away my stuff or cash. Here's some of my favorites;
One time I was strapped for cash and a friend offered to buy my shotgun off of me for $100. He said it will be there waiting for me when I had the money. Well when I had the money a short time later I found out he sold it to someone else for $200. That pissed me off. Done.
Another time I was doing hours and hours of free computer work for this guys nit picky commie wife. Nothing I did to her computer was ever good enough or some minor little silly detail wasn't just right. He would tell me that I had to come over his house that night and work on his wife's computer until it was right. My response was 'no' and I am never going to work on your computer again'. And I haven't. Done.
Friends of mine went on vacation for two weeks and asked me to house sit for them so they didn't have to pay to put their dog and two cats in a kennel. They lived about 25 miles from where I lived and it added another 50 miles to my daily ride to and from work. I also had to leave work immediately so I could get back and let the poor dog out to go to the bathroom. I did this for two weeks so I brought my Mac, satellite radio and some laundry over. They came home while I was at work (and never called to tell me they were home), and when I got there my stuff was unplugged and in a pile on the dining room table. OK whatever. I wanted to spend some time with his kids but his wife said 'you can't stay'. Basically it was 'we have no more need of you get the fuck out'. Very rarely in my life do I genuinely get mad enough to do another person violence but I had to leave or I would have. Done, pay the money for a fucking kennel.
Another favorite was helping another friend put in a walk way. I spent a week of my vacation time digging, pulling up roots, and lugging bricks and bags of sand and stone around. I've wired his home network for him as well as 'given' him a 5 port switch that he never paid me for. I tried to get him to paint some little metal miniatures for me (and he's really good at it because he does it all the time) and I would buy them from his store. He refused to do it and I heard him saying (to someone else) how I'm lazy because I didn't want to paint them. He recently moved his computer to the other side of the room and it's expected that I rewire it. Sorry, I'm too lazy. Done, no more freebies.
And that is why I don't donate anymore.
Now with Hurricane Katrina the $2000 debit cards being handed out by the Red Cross and FEMA are being used at Victoria's Secret and strip bars. How much of a scumbag do you have to be to rip off needy people? And if you are a legitament recipient of one of these cards, what the fuck are you thinking? Do you think you're going to spend it and then hold your hand out for another one? Oh yeah... that's how it will probably work. Some whiny Democrat will start maoning about how Bush is doing such a shitty job... well that's happened already. Anyway my gripe is Liberals like to throw money at a problem hoping it will go away. If it doesn't, raise taxes and throw some more at it.
I learned a very important lesson when I was a young man. My father took me to a Yankee's game and while we were on the outskirts of the ball park among a throng of people, dirty water dog vendors and the usual group of people selling their wares a young latino aproached my father. He was probably about 11 or 12 with these big puppy dog eyes and asked in a pleading voice 'Please sir, I am very hungry and I haven't eaten. May I please have some money for food'. Sometimes as kids you really can't appreciate what adults are about. That day I found out my father was no sucker. He looked at the kid and pointed to the hot dog vendor and said 'Let's go, I'll buy you a hotdog'. The look on this this little shit's face was classic, he looked stupified, stuttered for a second and half mumbled '...uh... no thanks' and walked away. Walked away to some couple who, you guessed, gave him money. Right around the time this kid was mumbling his reply to my father the light bulb went off in my head. This little fucker is full of shit! As I watched him walk away I started to get really pissed off and I wanted to go over there and kick his ass! My father calmed me down and I wondered how anyone can be such a conniving little douche bag (I thought that, I said something a little less vulgar). He just sighed, shrugged his shoulders and said 'There will always be people like him'. My father sensed something fishy and he reacted in the right way. If the kid was really hungry he would have taken the hot dog and I'm sure my father would have given him some cash after. I guess he was a sucker for certain kids, how do you think I ended up getting away with what I did? Rest easy Pops.
What I do to donate is volunteer my time. I'll do phone work or computer work for people for free or whatever else they need help with. Of course I've been burned too many times to give away my stuff or cash. Here's some of my favorites;
One time I was strapped for cash and a friend offered to buy my shotgun off of me for $100. He said it will be there waiting for me when I had the money. Well when I had the money a short time later I found out he sold it to someone else for $200. That pissed me off. Done.
Another time I was doing hours and hours of free computer work for this guys nit picky commie wife. Nothing I did to her computer was ever good enough or some minor little silly detail wasn't just right. He would tell me that I had to come over his house that night and work on his wife's computer until it was right. My response was 'no' and I am never going to work on your computer again'. And I haven't. Done.
Friends of mine went on vacation for two weeks and asked me to house sit for them so they didn't have to pay to put their dog and two cats in a kennel. They lived about 25 miles from where I lived and it added another 50 miles to my daily ride to and from work. I also had to leave work immediately so I could get back and let the poor dog out to go to the bathroom. I did this for two weeks so I brought my Mac, satellite radio and some laundry over. They came home while I was at work (and never called to tell me they were home), and when I got there my stuff was unplugged and in a pile on the dining room table. OK whatever. I wanted to spend some time with his kids but his wife said 'you can't stay'. Basically it was 'we have no more need of you get the fuck out'. Very rarely in my life do I genuinely get mad enough to do another person violence but I had to leave or I would have. Done, pay the money for a fucking kennel.
Another favorite was helping another friend put in a walk way. I spent a week of my vacation time digging, pulling up roots, and lugging bricks and bags of sand and stone around. I've wired his home network for him as well as 'given' him a 5 port switch that he never paid me for. I tried to get him to paint some little metal miniatures for me (and he's really good at it because he does it all the time) and I would buy them from his store. He refused to do it and I heard him saying (to someone else) how I'm lazy because I didn't want to paint them. He recently moved his computer to the other side of the room and it's expected that I rewire it. Sorry, I'm too lazy. Done, no more freebies.
And that is why I don't donate anymore.
C#/.NET not cross platform? What A Shocker! (That's sarcasm folks)
This is an email that I sent out to a friend of mine who is an A #1 Microsoft Fanboy.
Before we continue I want to explain .NET and C#. C# is the programming language (like Java) created by Microsoft and .NET is the framework (like the Java Runtime Environment) used to run the code. You write something in C# and it should run on any .NET compatible framework. What MS does is use Windows specific code (ex. windows.forms) to write their apps so it's only available to Windows. The Mono project is trying to implement a .NET compatible framework for alternative OS' (Linux, Mac as well as Windows) so that code will work. Without any support from Microsoft to port the framework to other OS' how cross platform can it be? Exactly, they don't want it to be. They want to hide behind the fact that it's a 'standard' and 'everyone' can use it. This is typical MS FUD.
Here's the Email;
Microsoft has absolutely no intention what so ever to make '.NET' a standard. If they did they would allow the Mono Developers into their little conference. I said from the beginning that MS is only creating .NET so they could take out Java, which has a true cross platform framework. Microsoft releases the bare minimum needed to get a standard created and then uses proprietary code for Windows (can you say 'windows.forms'?). I'm sure you won't believe this email or make some excuse for why they did it, but come on for cryin' out loud open your eyes! No more C# for me. I'll copy and paste the article since you probably won't read this anyway..
Here's the article;
Microsoft 'bars' Mono from conference
Ingrid Marson in Los Angeles, 16 September 2005
uk.builder.com
But are Microsoft developers even interested in developing .NET applications for Linux?
Mono project founder Miguel de Icaza claims that Microsoft prevented the open source project from holding a meeting at the company's Professional Developers Conference in Los Angeles.
Microsoft states on its conference Web site that its 'Birds of a Feather' sessions are proposed and voted on by the community. But the Mono BOF was never listed for voting and therefore received no votes, despite the submission being confirmed, according to De Icaza's blog.
The Mono project develops software that allows .NET client applications to be run on various operating systems including Microsoft, Linux and Mac OS X. As Mono is a competitor to Microsoft's .NET implementation, de Icaza said it may make the software giant "nervous".
A Microsoft spokesperson said on Thursday: "Microsoft received hundreds of requests for Birds of a Feather sessions and unfortunately it was not able to accommodate all requests. Mono is just one example of the level of excitement within the developer community around .NET."
As the Mono team were not able to hold such a session, the developers arranged a meeting at hotel near the PDC conference centre on Tuesday and handed out flyers to conference attendees to inform them about the event.
Although various developers that Builder UK spoke to on Wednesday had heard of Mono, the majority were not interested in having .NET development tools available for alternative platforms, such as Linux.
PDC attendee Mike Roberts said Microsoft's customers are unlikely to switch from Visual Studio to the open source project. "There are two types of businesses — the ones that buy into Microsoft and those that don't. The people who bought into the Microsoft world probably won't switch to Mono. The other people — those using Java or LAMP might do, though," said Roberts.
Before we continue I want to explain .NET and C#. C# is the programming language (like Java) created by Microsoft and .NET is the framework (like the Java Runtime Environment) used to run the code. You write something in C# and it should run on any .NET compatible framework. What MS does is use Windows specific code (ex. windows.forms) to write their apps so it's only available to Windows. The Mono project is trying to implement a .NET compatible framework for alternative OS' (Linux, Mac as well as Windows) so that code will work. Without any support from Microsoft to port the framework to other OS' how cross platform can it be? Exactly, they don't want it to be. They want to hide behind the fact that it's a 'standard' and 'everyone' can use it. This is typical MS FUD.
Here's the Email;
Microsoft has absolutely no intention what so ever to make '.NET' a standard. If they did they would allow the Mono Developers into their little conference. I said from the beginning that MS is only creating .NET so they could take out Java, which has a true cross platform framework. Microsoft releases the bare minimum needed to get a standard created and then uses proprietary code for Windows (can you say 'windows.forms'?). I'm sure you won't believe this email or make some excuse for why they did it, but come on for cryin' out loud open your eyes! No more C# for me. I'll copy and paste the article since you probably won't read this anyway..
Here's the article;
Microsoft 'bars' Mono from conference
Ingrid Marson in Los Angeles, 16 September 2005
uk.builder.com
But are Microsoft developers even interested in developing .NET applications for Linux?
Mono project founder Miguel de Icaza claims that Microsoft prevented the open source project from holding a meeting at the company's Professional Developers Conference in Los Angeles.
Microsoft states on its conference Web site that its 'Birds of a Feather' sessions are proposed and voted on by the community. But the Mono BOF was never listed for voting and therefore received no votes, despite the submission being confirmed, according to De Icaza's blog.
The Mono project develops software that allows .NET client applications to be run on various operating systems including Microsoft, Linux and Mac OS X. As Mono is a competitor to Microsoft's .NET implementation, de Icaza said it may make the software giant "nervous".
A Microsoft spokesperson said on Thursday: "Microsoft received hundreds of requests for Birds of a Feather sessions and unfortunately it was not able to accommodate all requests. Mono is just one example of the level of excitement within the developer community around .NET."
As the Mono team were not able to hold such a session, the developers arranged a meeting at hotel near the PDC conference centre on Tuesday and handed out flyers to conference attendees to inform them about the event.
Although various developers that Builder UK spoke to on Wednesday had heard of Mono, the majority were not interested in having .NET development tools available for alternative platforms, such as Linux.
PDC attendee Mike Roberts said Microsoft's customers are unlikely to switch from Visual Studio to the open source project. "There are two types of businesses — the ones that buy into Microsoft and those that don't. The people who bought into the Microsoft world probably won't switch to Mono. The other people — those using Java or LAMP might do, though," said Roberts.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Windows Vista Beta 2 Videos
shows off Windows Vista's graphics engine. Notice how hovering over the minimized windows in the taskbar will bring up a thumbnail view of the window.
read more | digg story
read more | digg story
Sunday, September 11, 2005
I LOVE The Japanese
They are some funny little bastards! Here's a view from an elevator 'security camera'. Funny shit...
P.S. This is my first post from my Linux box and it's running better than I thought it ever would.
P.S. This is my first post from my Linux box and it's running better than I thought it ever would.
Microsoft Owns The 'Double Click'... No really...
It's amazing at what the US Patent Office will give out a patent for. Of course then again looking at how government handles anything these days (Katrina) it doesn't surprise me too much. Read the article.
I'm patenting the 'Twice Click', similiar to a 'Double Click' only you don't have to sell you soul to a crappy software making company who's idea of innovation is renaming 'index.html' to 'default.htm'.
I'm patenting the 'Twice Click', similiar to a 'Double Click' only you don't have to sell you soul to a crappy software making company who's idea of innovation is renaming 'index.html' to 'default.htm'.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Some More Jokes From The Inbox™
From Shabba Dabba Doo
CATHOLIC DOG
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
_______________________________
DONATION
Father O'Malley answers the phone "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"
"It is" "This is the IRS. Can you help us?"
"I can"
"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"
"I do"
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is"
"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"
"He will".
_______________________________
CONFESSION
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm telling everybody."
_______________________________
BROTHEL TRIP
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would
like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient
man and asks how old he is. "I'm 90 years old," he says.
"90!" replies the woman.
"Don't you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"
_______________________________
SENILITY
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."
_______________________________
PESTCONTROL
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick," said the woman to her lover," into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said,... "Those little bastards!"
CATHOLIC DOG
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
_______________________________
DONATION
Father O'Malley answers the phone "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"
"It is" "This is the IRS. Can you help us?"
"I can"
"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"
"I do"
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is"
"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"
"He will".
_______________________________
CONFESSION
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm telling everybody."
_______________________________
BROTHEL TRIP
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would
like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient
man and asks how old he is. "I'm 90 years old," he says.
"90!" replies the woman.
"Don't you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"
_______________________________
SENILITY
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."
_______________________________
PESTCONTROL
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick," said the woman to her lover," into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said,... "Those little bastards!"
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Rag Heads
Another one From The Inbox™
Recently I received a warning about the use of this politically incorrect term, so please note, we all need to be more sensitive in our choice of words.
I have been informed the Islamic terrorists, who hate our guts and want to kill us, do not like to be called "Rag Heads", since the item they wear ontheir heads is not actually a rag, but in fact, a small folded sheet.
Therefore, from this point forward, please refer to them as "Little Sheet Heads."
Thank you for your support and compliance on this delicate matter.
From Psycho Don
Recently I received a warning about the use of this politically incorrect term, so please note, we all need to be more sensitive in our choice of words.
I have been informed the Islamic terrorists, who hate our guts and want to kill us, do not like to be called "Rag Heads", since the item they wear ontheir heads is not actually a rag, but in fact, a small folded sheet.
Therefore, from this point forward, please refer to them as "Little Sheet Heads."
Thank you for your support and compliance on this delicate matter.
From Psycho Don
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